I do it for the drugs… I do it just to feel alive

I do it for the love… That I get from the bottom of a bottle…

Drugs. That’s what makes the world go round and round. I mean, that really is what the day-to-day is like for us, isn’t it?  A handful here, a handful there. Legal and prescribed for the most part. In my case, all legal and prescribed. I hate the way they make me feel. They don’t much work, the combo I’ve been on. I had been on. But more on that I’m a minute.
I haven’t told my drug pusher that his patented (literally, he has a patent) drug combo he has me on isn’t working, because he told me he wants to put me back on Prozac. I can’t remember if I mentioned the reaction I had to Prozac, and I’m too lazy to go back and check. So. I’ll just tell you again. It makes me psycho. It makes me go into, what I lovingly call, Hulk mode. HULK–SIO GO SMASH! The cocktail I’d been on killed my libido, made me dizzy and light-headed. I’ve fallen several times on the mix, and I was sick of it.
A minute later… I stopped half of my meds. The two pills that were his patented “wonder combo” (Is there an ethics issue here, I wonder?), are out of my system. I feel less like a zombie. My sex drive is slowly returning. I’m not nearly as light headed (one of those was a blood pressure–lowering med). I feel better all over. My concern now, is what the repercussions will be. How angry will that make him. Will he take me off of my preferred meds that work well, claiming that he has a better idea? Will he insist that I don’t know shit about my own body? I’m not a doctor. I’m not a nurse. But I do know enough about my body to know when something isn’t right.  I have been feeling much better, with less break through depression and anxiety, so I live that things are going well without me being in a manic state.

I do it just to feel alive…

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