But no one’s answering. Would it be okay if I left today?
I spent the majority of today sitting in bed. It wasn’t a good day. I showered, a good sign. It’s bad when I don’t make it that far. But I did have to drag myself to the shower. I just didn’t want to put forth the effort. I had work to do. I did what I could. Tomorrow I’ll do more.
I’m jaded, stupid and reckless.
I know I’ll do more. It’s what I do. Buckle up. Hunker down. Fake it and smile. It’s a necessary skill for me in my daily life. Learning to fake it was one of the first things I did when I noticed I had “The Depression.” Some days are easier than others. I CAN fake it quite well. I hide myself better than most people realize. So the cracks they see… are the tiniest hints at the cancerous gashes I hide beneath my mask.
There’s a time and place for everything. There’s a reason why certain people meet. There’s a destination for everyone. What’s the explanation when we’re done?
Why is my brain like this? Why do I deserve it? Who did I fuck over in a previous life to be this way?
We’ll never forget the places we’ve been, you and I. Our lives are slipping away. Don’t want to let time pass us by.
Tonight just reminded me how much I hurt the people around me. Why do I bother? Why don’t I give up? Why shouldn’t I give up? I can’t really figure that part out.